Therewasnopossibilityoftakingawalkthatday.Wehadbeenwandering,indeed,intheleaflessshrubberyanhourinthemorning;butsincedinner(Mrs.Reed,whentherewasnocompany,dinedearly)thecoldwinterwindhadbroughtwithitcloudssosombre,andarainsopenetrating,thatfurtherout-doorexercisewasnowoutofthequestion.
Iwasgladofit:Ineverlikedlongwalks,especiallyonchillyafternoons:dreadfultomewasthecominghomeintherawtwilight,withnippedfingersandtoes,andaheartsaddenedbythechidingsofBessie,thenurse,andhumbledbytheconsciousnessofmyphysicalinferioritytoEliza,John,andGeorgianaReed.
ThesaidEliza,John,andGeorgianawerenowclusteredroundtheirmamainthedrawing-room:shelayreclinedonasofabythefireside,andwithherdarlingsabouther(forthetimeneitherquarrellingnorcrying)lookedperfectlyhappy.Me,shehaddispensedfromjoiningthegroup;saying,"Sheregrettedtobeunderthenecessityofkeepingmeatadistance;butthatuntilsheheardfromBessie,andcoulddiscoverbyherownobservation,thatIwasendeavouringingoodearnesttoacquireamoresociableandchildlikedisposition,amoreattractiveandsprightlymanner-somethinglighter,franker,morenatural,asitwere-shereallymustexcludemefromprivilegesintendedonlyforcontented,happy,littlechildren."
"WhatdoesBessiesayIhavedone?"Iasked.
"Jane,Idon'tlikecavillersorquestioners;besides,thereissomethingtrulyforbiddinginachildtakinguphereldersinthatmanner.Beseatedsomewhere;anduntilyoucanspeakpleasantly,remainsilent."
Abreakfast-roomadjoinedthedrawing-room.Islippedinthere.Itcontainedabookcase:Isoonpossessedmyselfofavolume,takingcarethatitshouldbeonestoredwithpictures.Imountedintothewindow-seat:gatheringupmyfeet,Isatcross-legged,likeaTurk;and,havingdrawntheredmoreencurtainnearlyclose,Iwasshrinedindoubleretirement.
Foldsofscarletdraperyshutinmyviewtotherighthand;totheleftweretheclearpanesofglass,protecting,butnotseparatingmefromthedrearNovemberday.Atintervals,whileturningovertheleavesofmybook,Istudiedtheaspectofthatwinterafternoon.Afar,itofferedapaleblankofmistandcloud;nearasceneofwetlawnandstorm-beatshrub,withceaselessrainsweepingawaywildlybeforealongandlamentableblast.
Ireturnedtomybook-Bewick'sHistoryofBritishBirds:theletterpressthereofIcaredlittlefor,generallyspeaking;andyettherewerecertainintroductorypagesthat,childasIwas,Icouldnotpassquiteasablank.Theywerethosewhichtreatofthehauntsofsea-fowl;of"thesolitaryrocksandpromontories"bythemonlyinhabited;ofthecoastofNorway,studdedwithislesfromitssouthernextremity,theLindeness,orNaze,totheNorthCape-
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